management

How to Silence a Room Without Being Mean About It

/ Scott / Leave a comment

We’ve All Been There…. the students will not stop talking.

    Or the silence only lasts as long as you hollering at them.

So you do what your teacher did to you, you raise your voice one last time and say, “Okay, everyone heads down!”

Then you have to police who is actually putting their head down since it’s not comfortable, and you feel bad for the half the class that was actually being pretty good.   You snap, “head down.” to the ones who are being squirmy and you feel uncomfortably close to the kind of teacher you really don’t want to be.

Sometimes I want students to be able to talk, and to be able to ask each other questions (because sometimes you can’t get to them, especially when instructing a small group), and to trust them to be able to actually work and talk a bit.  Sitting all day in a plastic chair can be boring.  When students are happy, they do better work and don’t cause as many discipline problems.  It’s nice when the students get into a ‘flow’ state and don’t want to talk but that’s fairly rare. It’s difficult to consistently provide compelling seat work.

This was a trick I ‘discovered’ last year – I’m not going to claim it’s original or innovative.  It’s just never been suggested to me.  It’s so simple and obvious that I almost feel bad talking about it, because invariably someone is going to arrive here and think, ‘Oh, just that.  I already do that.’  But, nothing is obvious until after you figure it out.  So mention it on the off chance it hasn’t occurred to you, dear reader.  We teachers have too much going on in our minds already!  In fact, it would be fun to make even a partial list of what goes on in our brains during a typical lesson  including which assembly of questionable academic value has been scheduled during direct instruction time.  But,  I digress.   Here’s the system I use.

First warn the students ahead of time that talking in whispers is a privilege and that many teachers do not allow even that to remind them how nice you are. (Since you are!)   “If the teacher can hear it, then that’s too loud,” is the standard.  You can demonstrate how to whisper.  When their talking finally does get out of hand, when they are practically shouting over one another, use your best Love & Logic ® empathy, and tell them that, ‘Sorry, but they need to be reminded of what silence sounds like.’  Also that you need to prove to them that they can be silent.  It won’t kill them.

  Have them sit up straight and fold their hands on their desks.   Tell them they can’t work, can’t read, and that the timer will be reset if anyone talks, works, or reads, even a little.  Set a timer for two minutes, preferably one that the entire class can see so that the seconds will drag by excruciatingly slowly.  Then just be sure they sit there without working.  Occasionally you will have to reset the clock and drag it out to four minutes, when some child talks with just a few seconds left.

I do tell them, ‘This is supposed to be boring, to remind you that working quietly is not such a bad option.’  But don’t lecture them for a few reasons:   One, it’s entertaining to them and makes the time go too quickly.  Second, when you lecture  then it feels more like you’re just punishing, instead of practicing quiet. It’s a dead give away that you’re totally pissed off.  Even though part of it is a punishment, no question, it seems less so if you’re just silent.  It also makes you seem more strict in a good way.  Besides, they tune out nagging after two sentences.  Yada..yada…yada…they’ve heard it all before. It hurts your credibility.   Also, the students hear the beauty of the silence, the peace on their ears.  This is one reason it’s so effective, most can feel the peacefulness and they like it!  It gives them an internal reason to be quieter other than purely out of fear.

This is an consequence to threaten and use after they’ve wasted excessive time lining up.  Just start looking at your watch and calling out  (since most 2n graders don’t pay rapt attention) the amount of time they will now be ‘paying back.’  “You waste my time, and it’s only fair that I waste yours.”  is what I tend to say.  Second graders love the idea of fairness.

This works for several reasons.  One, children who are naturally used to being quiet, don’t find it so hard, they almost like it.  It’s only hard on the ones that need the self discipline.  They are learning a valuable lesson in self control.  So this time is not wasted.  It’s easier to see who is complying and who is not because sitting up is more natural a position than putting a head down on the desk.  It doesn’t feel quite so punitive.  Third, when you do finally let them work they can move seamlessly

classroom with mad teacher final

into that state. Sometimes if it’s necessary during to do this during silent reading you can ignore those actually reading and then the entire class slips back into the behavior that you wanted all along without such an abrupt end.

You will probably need to reset the clock back to two minutes once or twice if you have an impulsive kid or two. (If that child hasn’t learned after a second time, just separate them, don’t punish the entire class. Again, some are just too young to feel peer pressure especially the boys.)  You may have noticed that the sting of peer pressure doesn’t work perfectly well in 2nd grade because many of them are still rather immature and focused on themselves and just don’t care what others think. (When it suits them.)  But it’s a start, they do need to become aware of it, since socialization is half of what school is all about.

The best part, you get the peace and quiet which sometimes you really just need.  You know,  those times when you can practically feel the cortisol pumping into your blood stream and your nerves feel like bare wires without a shred of insulation left.  But you don’t have to be the slightest bit mean or angry about it.

You will have to watch them for it to be effective.   After you follow through on this a few times the

threat of this punishment will start to work.  If your class is filled with super energetic kids as mine was just recently you’ll need to do this once or twice each hour.  If nothing you will enjoy the peace & quiet and revel a bit of fair play because those stu

dents who so blatantly ignored you deserve a consequence.  It sure beats yelling.

It’s easy to forget that the students, even the chatty ones, want a quiet room as much as you do.  Also, students love those teachers who can control them and be strict but without getting all angry and huffy about it.

The forced silence really does drive home the message. The students soon recognize they want that peace and quiet just as desperately as you do, even if they have trouble staying that way.

  • Scott

How to deal with: 1. Students Who Lie & Deny 2. Sending Home, The solution to the in-your- face Defiant Kid

/ Scott / 2 Comments

There are TWO different ideas handled in this post:

Point 1:  Students who Lie & Deny  Click on the link below or image at right.

Even if you know how to deal with students who lie & deny (1st… don’t argue, right?)  you may wanlie11t to save this site for solutions or tips on dealing with rarer and more tricky management situations during your day. 

Classroom Management Tips
(How to Handle Students who Lie)

(I couldn’t just post a blog I had to add my own advice below which I’ve followed many times in my career.  In a staff meeting many teachers made it clear they never considered they had this option.)

Point 2:   ‘Sending Home’ as a Solution for
the In-Your-Face Defiant Kid

One highly under utilized strategy (it depends on your state education code)  for that rare, super problematic kid if he doesn’t have an IEP or behavior plan, is to just send them home.  Most state laws grant you that right.  You don’t have to do an official suspension.  Kids go home sick all the time, no one raises an eyebrow right?  This is no different.  In California and many others teachers have the right to suspend if a child is disruptive.  It’s not as big a deal as everyone thinks.  Remember, it’s your classroom.     angry boy

This is only for the “no I won’t”  silently or aloud kid who won’t go to the office or follow the class someplace.  I don’t do it for ‘meltdowns’ inside class or even refusal to work.  Sometimes, I will do it even if the principal is there but if he is it’s wisest to call him first. If he is too busy… call the parent, especially if education has come to a complete halt.   I explain to the child, “You can only stay at school if you do what the teacher says.”   Because it’s true.  We can’t make children sit in their seats. We don’t make them do their work or consequence.

You call the parent and say they have a choice, they can come and get the child now, no fuss, no ‘official’ suspension or you can do it officially with paperwork. The child can try again tomorrow, they will be welcomed back.  No parent should want an official expulsion because a child only gets so many of those before action must be taken.  This is just a wake up call for the parents.

Note:  Be sure you are on solid ground with your administrator and state.  I’ve done this a half dozen times over the past 15 years, mostly in fifth grade.  I’ve never been reprimanded for doing it.  Because you do have the right to teach, children do have the right to an education.  You and your class don’t have to tolerate a child who is making life miserable on purpose (with the usual exceptions – no classroom aid to take him/her out  of the room and no Special Education Plan.)  But it’s seldom those kids.  It’s the one child whose parents claim is absolutely normal but who clearly has oppositional defiance behavior.  Some teachers think they and all the other children must tolerate every single disruptive behavior because a child has a label.  Or they see the inability to make every last child act perfectly a failure on their part.

This action puts pressure on parents to discipline harder or more consistently which they usually aren’t and are just hoping you’ll house their child for the day. If you have a child like this, you can bet very early in the year, like during the first week, your limit will be tested on what you will allow.  We don’t have to put up with it because it is not just that disruptive child who has a right to an education, you have the righteous power of more than twenty other families whose children also have a right to an education!  If the parents ask, “is this a formal suspension?” – I say no (no administrator has ever questioned me on this).. and the parents shouldn’t want it to be either.  This is fast and low key, no muss, no fuss.  The child is gone, you’ve made your point in a huge way and you can get on with your day.

A few years ago I had one of the most difficult children in school, a truly defiant willful child with next to no respect for authority.  I sent him home three or four times that year.  The parents didn’t like it but what could they say when I explain, as sweetly as possible, a single child cannot be allowed to set the agenda for twenty plus students and one teacher.  There is no arguing with that position. And, it’s not about what’s good for you as a teacher, it’s about what is good for the other students.   Kill them with kindness  but don’t bother trying to make them like you. If those parents can’t already see that you truly care for their child (which is one reason you aren’t tolerating that child’s behavior!) it’s because such parents will always project upon you all their frustration with a school system that forces them to recognize their child’s or their own issues.

Off record suspension forces parents to heighten their consequences and discipline because, if nothing, they want their peace at home during school hours.  It’s even more intense if a parent has to leave work to get their child.  After that first and sometimes second time, that child will finally fear you contacting their parent(s).

Parent may claim, “But he/she is never that way at home.” don’t bother arguing, just know that it’s probably because the child gets its way all the time.  Just let them know that you’re happy to see their child back the next day when they’re clear they must do what the teacher asks.

Remember, it’s not just that disruptive child who has a right to an education, you have the righteous power of more than twenty other children also have a right to an education!   A child can’t act defiantly at school, it simply can’t be tolerated as it isn’t in the adult world.  When adults refuse to follow the rules, the police are called.

For people who argue, “What kind of punishment is being suspended?  The child gets the day off!”  It’s not punishment for the child, it’s punishment for the parents.  And, it’s a break for you and your class who have the right to learn in peace.  Besides, there is something inherently shameful about being sent home from school.  While many children love to hate school, deep down they know they need it. Also, there’s powerful reverse psychology there, they aren’t allowed to be at school, so suddenly they want to be!   Here’s the real kicker, that kid also wants to come back because, for at least seven months, they want you as an adult in their lives who will, for a change, discipline them firmly, kindly, and consistently.  I often think this is why problematic kids act out more at school.  They want the limits, delivered kindly, that they don’t get at home.

Eventually the parents after the 2nd or 3rd call and threat of first real suspension will finally begin to find a way to get through to their child. That is the true power of unofficial expulsion.

Recently, because some teachers were sending home more children of color for offenses that lighter skinned children in whom they were tolerating similar behavior.  But, since I’m sure you are sensible good-hearted teachers as readers – I don’t even need to give a warning to be fair.  In some states, (this just changed in California) can sometimes only send to the office for disruption.  But the whole idea is that it’s not official.  I don’t overuse it.  I’ve gone six or seven years without needing to, but for that really awful kid needs to learn, schools are only for those who do what the teacher says.  Always though, within limits, if they really don’t want to work but don’t bother anyone else, tell the parent, but only send home for truly disruptive outright in-your-face defiance.

Remember it all comes down to relationships, if you are kind and fair and truly like your kids, they will do what you ask, poorly perhaps but they’ll do it.  Students write sentences for me all the time for misbehavior.  They could throw a fit but they don’t, they just take their punishment quietly and get it over quickly so they can breaking another rule soon!