You’ve got to love Back-to-School night. Who doesn’t want to stand in front of a room full of grumpy adults skeptical about trusting their precious child to you? Especially when you know a few of them are just certain you’re not the one ‘good’ teacher at the grade level. (There can only be one, of course.) 
And they just…. stare!
It feels like the harder you turn on the charm, they more they stare.
God! It’s nerve wracking!
No matter how wise or interesting the things you say, most… just… stare with a blank poker face. You could promise to turn each child into a neurosurgeon by the end of the year and some expressions would not change. I often wonder if they’re listening at all and simply worrying about their lives. (Of course they are, but I’m ranting here so reasonable explanations are beside the point.) Once in a while you will get a smile or a nod or a laugh, but it tends to be the exception. I’ve even made of point of saying, “If I hear something that you think is wise, could you just nod sagely for me?”
If you’re like me you can’t help but think of all the topics you’d love to cover with the parents there if talk if only there was enough time! It’s easy to have thousands of hours of little speeches. You know, all those rants you start to write on the shower or driving home from work. But you wisely realize that there’s no way to cover a fraction of it without sounding like a cynical burned-out teacher with a bad attitude. Besides 30 minutes is barely time to cover classroom basics such as when homework is due and how reading with your child is helpful. That’s why PowerPoint is essential, it keeps you on message.
We fear the parents will judge us, and how can they not? They get judged so heavily themselves, by their parents, by other parents, even by total strangers at the store who have no idea what they’re talking about regarding parenting. (There was a great article in The Onion – a satirical newspaper. recently, “Single mother of three unaware of 984 judgements passed by strangers in a single day.”)
Link to Onion Satire on Judging Parenting
Ira Glass* was right when he said, “Judging parenting is an American pastime.”
Some must be eager to be able to judge someone else for a change. The problem is, when it comes to someone else’s child it can’t possibly get more personal. A child is ‘just’ the sum total of its parent’s hopes, dreams, fears, genetic makeup, and personal tastes. It is only a reflection of them and their parenting style. It is simply the being they are sacrificing the best years of their adult lives and no small amount of personal wealth to raise. They only expect to do it absolutely perfectly no matter how ridiculous a notion it is to try even to parent ‘perfectly.’ It is a job they started with absolutely no experience (compared to our many years with this age) and yet parents feel a need to remind us, ‘They are only children’ – something we completely understand when their child is being childish or immature.
Soapbox rant #1
This is why I make it a point to tell parents: that it is not my job to judge your ch
ild. A teacher’s only job is to help a child. (That’s why I insist the child come to conference later.) There is almost nothing we can say about them that they can’t hear. Not only that, I will like your child. I guarantee I will see what is neat and special and fun and charming about your child. If they are quirky, (and which child isn’t?) I will find those quirks adorable. Everyone has had an experience with a bad teacher who didn’t really like kids but I am not that teacher. Most of us aren’t like that at all. If your child is active, I will allow for it. One thing we understand better than anyone is that they aren’t all the same and can’t be expected to act all the same all the time, but we do have to enforce certain behaviors or it’s chaos and not a classroom.
Here is a list of the topics I cover: If you don’t have a PowerPoint or KeyNote*
presentation (mine is in Powerpoint format, but it can be converted) here is a link to mine: (the preview is free and gives you the font, the colors and the timing. If you want to save a lot of time and incorporate most of the ideas here then there’s a complete version for $5.00.
If you’d like the PowerPoint slides and animations for free I have them here. You can write out all your own ideas.
Back to School Presentation slides FREE partial version or full paid version
If you like my ideas and want to use them – for that I’m going to charge a bit, if nothing just because writing all this and putting them up online is a lot of work.
Start of Back to School Talk:
Thank for coming. (It sounds like ass kissing but I really mean it.)
I talk about my qualifications and about my enthusiasm. (Remember that despite my/our cynicism parents want to believe in you.) Ever interview someone and be amazed that they couldn’t sell themselves? Don’t be humble. But I also remind them, I am just human. See my big other blog on teachers from ‘perfect world’ entitled “It’s Not Easy.”
I mention my own children and how different they were because they are just born with certain traits, some like to follow directions and some are more strong willed. It’s natural.
After that the very first thing I mention is that safety as the number one concern, prior even to teaching. That a child needs to feel safe at school. Children should want to come to school. Later, when the rough horseplay and the petty hitting starts, you can refer back to that very comment as your very first!
Here’s a new way I thought to help put school ‘fighting’ into perspective. Soapbox rant #2
I plan to ask parents, “Raise your hand If their child has a sibling or two? “Do they hit each other? Of course they do, all the time right! Do they love each other? Does anyone ever get seriously injured? No. Why? Because 99% of the time is mostly just play, a rough stupid but typically kid like form of play. Can you stop it entirely? No because they are kids and it’s natural. We do everything we can to get it to stop at school, we remind them, we warn them, we threaten them and we punish them. But kids will always be impulsive.
And what do they do they do when the first blow is landed?… and I mean.. immediately.
Hint: “Mooooooommmmm!”
Tatttle! Of course! Because that is a crucial part of the game! Get the other person ‘in trouble’ is a game to them. Except that at school, we have to take it seriously, even though when 98% of it is just harmless play.
Do any of these facts mean I don’t take hitting seriously? Of course not.
Half of what we are teaching at school is socialization. The huge problem is we have is this we have to triage or we could waste serious class time on the “it’s-fun-to-get-someone- in trouble’ game which you would disapprove of. At home you can tell when your children are just playing and what needs serious attention. If I get it wrong or just don’t know… then tell me. Sometimes kids don’t tell me.
Just please don’t worry. I’ve taught nearly 500 children and not one has been seriously harmed by another on the playground because they are just children and just playing. Sometimes they a bit angry or are stupid and impulsive but no one goes into a murderous rage in 2nd grade.
Name calling – another huge issue. That’s why I teach, “Talk to the hand.” Because part of our jobs, besides making it clear name calling is not acceptable is to teach coping skills. Otherwise we leave children with no skills to deal with meanness. I ask them, what are you going to do when I’m not there?
I like to demonstrate to kids how to do a proper, ‘Talk to the hand’ with lots of eye rolling, head shaking with as much attitude in their voice as they can muster…. “Ugh! WHAT…… ever…….”
We are trying to deliver a bully free world, but we’re asking to eliminate meanness and selfishness and the person that does that will win the Nobel Peace prize in perpetuity.
As you can see, I spend a lot of time on this together because otherwise I will spend hours explaining these things individually with upset parents.
That’s a good segue to the topic of discipline which is next. You can discuss your system. Most teachers use a mix of positive and negative, you need them all. Neither works all the time.
Then I cover:
What we do at 2nd grade – a typical day.
It’s about literacy and learning basic rules, language writing rules, basic math.
What can a parent do to help their child?
Just getting their child to school every day clean clothes, well, groomed, well fed, and with their homework done, and most importantly well rested. This is why I don’t assign home projects because they are mostly completed by parents.
All research shows sleep is essential for grow and learning. Short term to long term memory, learning occurs when you sleep, well rested children are less likely to be overweight, their bodies are less stressed so they crave less carbs. And get them here every day.
And READ with your child. (Even if they’re a pretty good reader they still desperately need vocabulary.)
Reading is a skill: My piano analogy. Reading is every bit as hard as skill as learning to play piano. If you don’t practice every single day, could you expect to be good? No. Everyone gets that. But with reading, because most everyone gets it, we think it is as developmental like “walking & talking.” So you have to make kids practice and the best way to do that is to reward them with the thing they want more than anything in the world, your time and your attention.
The old saying…from K to 3rd, children learn to read.
From 3rd grade on… they read to learn… so this is the crunch year.
Every child learns at different rates… the kids that learned piano slower we’d call dyslexic but there is nothing wrong with them, they’re just not as naturally talented at piano as some other kids.
It’s just practice, to get children in the habit of doing homework. It should take only 20 minutes a day… IF… (and this is a big if…) if your child is actually working.
Since we need to hold them accountable we have to have a consequence (which is getting it done during recess) but that’s only because if there is NO consequence they will think it’s okay to not do it.
I mention that notes are acceptable, if something comes up, or even if you just don’t understand the math because even at 2nd grade, math worksheets can be confusing to adults, even to teachers! They just need to write a note, call, send an e-mail.
I touch on social studies, computers and science.
Usually by then time is nearly up. So I come back to the fact that the BASICS are what the primary grades are for, the foundation. There used to be a Back-to-Basics fad in schools every five years or so. Now with standards we don’t need that fad anymore. We will cover social studies, and science, and art. But most of our time will be spent on the core subject, reading, writing and math. That’s because no child is becoming a scientist or doctor or lawyer or accountant if they can’t read, write and do math.
I thank them for coming and ask for questions.
Later, I recall the parts I forgot to say. There is always something. Even with PowerPoint, since you can’t list every crucial thing you say.
And that’s it. Some parents seem really pleased, most just get up and go. I never think I’ve given the best possible impression, but it can’t be that bad! I’m surprised more parents aren’t rushing up to congratulate me for, at least saying I will be awesome.
So, yes, Back-to-School Night is pretty awful. But you can’t say we don’t try.
p.s. – Here are all the slides.
- Scott
You can see the entire thing in action briefly here:
Link to YouTube screen capture of 2nd grade PPT presentation (full version)
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*Of NPR’s This American Life – on the story about the baby taken to sea whose parents were criticized so heavily by others who had no idea of any facts of the case.
Straight Talk on 2nd Grade 